Legalizing prostitution: 1605

"...for the office of a pimp is not a slight business, but an employment fit only for discreet persons, and a most necessary one in a well-regulated commonwealth; and none but persons well-born ought to exercise it; and in truth there should be inspectors and comptrollers of it, as there are of other offices, with a certain number of them deputed, like exchange-brokers; by which means many mischiefs would be prevented which now happen..."

--From Don Quixote de la Mancha--

How to please your man: 1858

In the first place, young ladies do not, as a rule, neglect any means of improving their looks; but no Japanese young ladies, even after they are "out," think of taking this method of increasing their powers of fascination; they color their cheeks and lips, and deck their hair, but it is not until they have made a conquest of some lucky swain, that, to prove their devotion to him, they begin to blacken their teeth and pull out their eyebrows. He, privileged being, is called upon to exhibit no such test of his affection; on the contrary, his lawful wife having so far disfigured herself as to render it impossible that she should be attractive to any one else, seems to lose her charms for her husband as well; so he places her at the head of his establishment, and adds to it an indefinite number of handmaidens, who neither pull out their eyebrows nor blacken their teeth; hence it seems not difficult to account for the phenomenon which is universally admitted, that while Japanese wives are celebrated for their virtue, their husbands are no less notorious for their licentiousness.

--From Narrative of the Earl of Elgin's mission to China and Japan--

Don't you hate how some people let themselves go once they're in a relationship?

A religious observation:: 1591

Promiscuous women may become nuns to feign reform, while obsessive men may enter religion due to some stimulus or excitement. This is why the "schools of clear purity" are always hotbeds of promiscuous and perverted people.

--From the Caigentan--

I think the Catholic Church could cut down on many of its problems (lack of priests, sex scandals) if it allowed all of its priests to be married. I say "all" because it already allows some married men to be ordained as priests.

Breast augmentation: 1902

--From The Delineator--

Perhaps instead of worrying about the sexualization of our culture we should worry when it becomes desexualized.

Full Brazilian: 1661

There are some interesting entries in this book:

That hairs may fall, and none grow again.

and:

A dipilitory whereby a hairy place is made bald.

which leave you wondering exactly what they are talking about, because they only mention hairy places in general. Did people back then want bald heads? However this entry, which seems at first to be about something else, makes what they are talking about perfectly clear:

That Children may never have Beards.

That Boys and Girls may never have hair grow on their secrets [vaginas] or beards, annoint the privities [privates]...

 --From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

Why were they interested in depilatating their genitalia? The asumptions I would make from a modern perspective might include:

1. From being exposed to nude sculptures/paintings depicting people with such attributes.

2. Because they were exposed to many sexual partners and/or found it sexually enticing.

3. Health concerns (lice).

Obviously, these recipes may have been intended for professionals, not the general population, or they may have been oddities meant to provide insight into medicine. But considering how the author talked about breast and vaginal restoration in this book, I'm going with my second assumption.

Jägerbomb: 1661

That the Woman shall abhore Copulation and the man shall desire it.

If a red Bull's pisle be poured and a crown weight be given the woman to drink in wine or broth, she will abhore to lye with a man. But the same powder mingled with fit Ingredients will provoke men that are dull and impotent to Vencrous Acts.

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

1. Look at the first sentence and consider the marriage problem this recipe was meant to help.

2. I can definitely see how sneaking bull's piss into a woman's drink, and then maybe telling her about it, would make her not want to sleep with a man; especially if "the man" was the one who gave her the drink.

3. Women back then probably wouldn't want to leave their drinks unattended, but for entirely different reasons than those of today.

4. O. Henry could do wonders with this premise, à la The Gift of the Magi.

Germ warfare: 1665

She began by degrees to slacken in her constant coming to prayers and to sacrament, in which she had been before that regular, almost to superstition. She put that on her ill health: for she fell into an ill habit of body, which some imputed to the effect of some of the duke's distempers communicated to her. A story was set about, and generally believed, that the earl of Southesk, that had married a daughter of duke Hamilton's, suspecting some familiarities between the duke and his wife, had taken a sure method to procure a disease to himself, which he communicated to his wife, and was by that means set round till it came to the duchess, who was so tainted with it, that it was the occasion of the death of all her children, except the two daughters, our two queens; and was believed the cause of an illness under which she languished long, and died so corrupted, that in dressing her body after her death, one of her breasts burst, being a mass of corruption. Lord Southesk was for some years not ill pleased to have this believed. It looked like a peculiar strain of revenge, with which he seemed much delighted.

--From History of his own Times--

 I believe they are talking about syphilis.

Our decadent youth: 1904

The boy of the present generation has more practical knowledge of sexual instinct at the age of fifteen than, under proper training, he should be entitled to at the time of his marriage; and the boy of eleven or twelve boastfully announces to his companions the evidences of his approaching virility. Nourished by languishing glances and fanned by more intimate association on the journey to and from school, fed by stolen interviews and openly arranged festivities, stimulated by the prurient gossip of the newspaper and the flash novel, the gallant of twelve years is the libertine of fourteen.

--From Sexology--

Hopefully with the oft predicted death of newspapers and books, this problem can finally be solved.

Blighted neighborhoods: 1734

Our Coffee-houses and Theatres supply us with Examples enough of what is not Good Breeding...

--From The Gentleman's magazine--

What base places coffee-houses and the theater must have been.

Will cultured people in the future impress others with their knowledge of hip-hop music and force their children to watch pornography on PBS?

Female sexuality: circa 900

So for fear of the genie, they lay with her one after the other, and when they had done, she bade them arise, and took out of her bosom a purse containing a necklace made of five hundred and seventy rings, and said to them, "Know ye what these are?" They answered, "No." And she said, "Every one of the owners of these rings has had to do with me in despite of this Afrit. And now give me your rings, both of you." So each of them took off a ring and gave it to her. And she said to them, "Know that this genie carried me off on my wedding night and laid me in a box and shut the box up in a glass chest, on which he clapped seven strong locks and sank it to the bottom of the roaring stormy sea, knowing not that nothing can hinder a woman, when she desires aught...

--From The Book of the Thousand Nights and One Night--

We didn't invent it, and in comparison to this, we sound like we're in the closet about it.

Life before sex ed: 1861

I have previously stated, that the French condoms will prevent conception, but the objection to them is, they are troublesome, liable to be torn in coition, prevent the full sexual enjoyment, as they do not allow that reciprocal warmth of the male and female genitals which is necessary, as it prevents their coming in contact except through the covering, which often chafes and irritates the female parts, and will if used for any great number of times, cause seminal weakness, debility and Impotency in the male.

Condoms make you impotent! Other means of birth control which wouldn't work (or would also cause impotency) included the rhythm method and withdrawal.

You had to be careful:

Prolonging the venereal act will also cause seminal disease and impotency.

And don't even think about touching yourself or you'd end up like this:

Ways to prevent pregnancy included:

Dancing, and urinating immediately after... ...Riding a trotting horse, or any excreise, that will agitate the ovum before it is securely located... ...strong catharties, all stimulating fluids, victuals that will promote thirst, bathing soon after coition...

Of course if you wanted a method sure to work, you had to send the author 5 dollars.

...those who should be eternally cursed are the unprincipled quacks, who palm off their injurious and nauseating stuff for money...

Yes, watch out for quacks.

--From Medical adviser and marriage guide--

Sex: 398

I took pleasure, not only in the pleasure of the deed, but in the praise. What is worthy of dispraise but vice? But I made myself worse than I was, that I might not be dispraised; and when in any thing I had not sinned as the abandoned ones, I would say that I had done what I had not done, that I might not seem contemptible in proportion as I was innocent; or of less account, the more chaste.

--From The Confessions of Saint Augustine--

Even saints lie about it! This is the kind of stuff they need to teach in sex-ed classes.

This has me thinking though: people often do bad things because they worry about what other people might think of them.

Transexuals: 1904

Before:

After:

--From The Marvelous Land of Oz--

The main character of the story is a boy named Tip, who is really a girl magically trapped in a boy's body.   Tip doesn't even think he is a girl, but agrees to be turned into one at the end of the story.

There is also another character who has been calling Tip "father" throughout the story and expresses some confusion before the sex change occurs, but immediately accepts it once it has been completed.

Just a typical children's book.

Something you should never ever name your baby: 1823

TRIP. A short voyage or journey, a false step or stumble, an error of the tongue, a bastard. She has made a trip ; she has had a bastard.

--From Grose's classical dictionary of the vulgar tongue--

I suppose it could be ironic, but who would do something like that?

Zombie meme: 1823

WIFE IN WATER COLOURS. A mistress, or concubine; water colours being, like their engagements, easily effaced or dissolved.

--From Grose's classical dictionary of the vulgar tongue--

The lyrics in this 2009 song go: "...I'm a wife in water colors..." and now I know what the song is about!

Salt Peter: 1896

The question of diet has much to do with purity in the child, as well as in the adult. This, also, is acknowledged in the Scriptures. The Lord has always provided unstimulating food for his children. All sciences recognize this truth, and every physician of experience will tell you that the unnatural, stimulating diet of today is largely to be blamed for the alarming prevalence of social impurity. Tea, coffee and spices, and more especially the free use of eggs and flesh meat, irritate the nervous system and inflame the passions....

Dr. J. H. Kellogg, in his work entitled "Social Purity," says: "Simplicity in habits of eating, and the avoidance of all stimulating foods, are, with the exception of religion, the most powerful of all aids to purity of life; and, in addition, are most potent correctives of impure tendencies when they are once developed."

--From the educational pamphlet How shall we preserve the purity of our children?--

Who would have thought that cornflakes were supposed to keep you from touching yourself?

Also, what is with that advertisement? A woman is the corn's "sweetheart"? I don't even want to think about how that works.

Dirty Dancing: 1894

Some select quotations concerning the waltz:

The waltz became to me, and whomsoever danced with me, one lingering, sweet and purely sensual pleasure, where heart beat against heart, and eyes looked burning words which lips dared not speak.

Women of virtue or self-respect will now blush to have the dance named to them.

The well-known Inspector Byrnes of the New York police declares that three-fourths, at least, of the abandoned young women of that city were first approached through the round dances by the villains who effected their ruin.

The waltz—-a species of dance I do not hesitate thus publicly to denounce as undisguisedly licentious.

Yes, "the voluptuous movement of the Waltz" is the dance of death.

--From The Lutheran Witness--

Wont someone think of the children?

Dirty dancing: 1833

The waltz is a dance of quite too loose a character, and unmarried ladies should refrain from it altogether, both in public and private; very young married ladies, however, may be allowed to waltz in private balls, if it is very seldom, and with persons of their acquaintance. It is indispensable for them to acquit themselves with dignity and modesty.

--From The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment--

Young people these days with their wild dances. The type of things they do in public!



It's practically pornographic.

Views on Homosexuality, 1894 edition

We have shown the special functions and really indispensable import of the homogenic or comrade love, in some form, in national life, and it is high time now that the modern States should recognise this in their institutions—instead of (as is also done in schools and places of education) by repression and disallowance perverting the passion into its least satisfactory channels. If the dedication of love were a matter of mere choice or whim, it still would not be the business of the State to compel that choice; but since no amount of compulsion can ever change the homogenic instinct in a person, where it is innate, the State in trying to effect such a change is only kicking vainly against the pricks of its own advantage—and trying, in view perhaps of the conduct of a licentious few, to cripple and damage a respectable and valuable class of its own citizens.

--From the educational pamphlet Homogenic Love--

The author also makes the claim that free societies benefit from homosexuals since they are often unencumbered with children and therefore more likely to stand up to tyrannical behavior.

Here is the Wikipedia entry on the author : Edward Carpenter. He was a gay, nudist, vegetarian who introduced sandals to England and helped found the Fabian Society and the Labour Party. Wow!

Soft Porn, 1897 edition

You just know that girl is going to get a spanking.