Potty humor: 1605

Now, whether the cold of the morning which was at hand, or whether some lenitive food on which he supped, or whether the motion was purely natural, which is rather to be believed, it so happened that Sancho had a desire to do what nobody could do for him. But so great was the fear that had possessed his heart, that he durst not stir the breadth of a finger from his master; and to think to leave that business undone, was also impossible: and so what he did for peace sake, was to let go his right hand which held the hinder part of the saddle, with which, softly, and without any noise, he loosed the running point that kept up his breeches; whereupon down they fell, and hung about his legs like shackles: then he lifted up his shirt the best he could, and exposed to the open air those parts which were none of the smallest. This being done, which he thought the best expedient towards getting out of that terrible anguish and distress, another and a greater difficulty attended him, which was, that he thought he could not ease himself without making some noise: so he set his teeth close, and squeezed up his shoulders, and held in his breath as much as possibly he could. But notwithstanding all these precautions, he was so unlucky after all as to make a little noise, very different from that which had put him into so great a fright. Don Quixote heard it, and said: "What noise is this, Sancho?"

--From Don Quixote de la Mancha--

All those poop jokes they have on TV? Just subtle homages to Don Quixote.

Blowing bubbles: 1886

Here is a picture of a young child blowing bubbles:

Notice the strange look to the eyes:

And the bubble blowing paraphernalia:

Bubbles: the gateway drug. (Parents, know the signs!)

---

Lost Works: 1350

'A Handy Guide for Pacifying the Man.'

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

 If I know "the man" it involves lots of work at minimum wage.

Absession: 1350

Xuande himself realized that he had said more than he ought and rose to excuse himself. Doing so, he noticed the extra weight around his middle. Suddenly he found tears welling in his eyes. When Xuande resumed his place, Liu Biao asked what was distressing him. "I used to spend all my time in the saddle," Xuande replied with a deep sigh. "Now it has been so long since I have been riding that I am growing thick around the waist...."

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

So many things to worry about, and your health sometimes suffers. I only wish Xuande had a chance to see this video:

Forklifts: 1681

Sometimes they were used as pictured above and sometimes they were used thus:

The Keepers of the Kings Elephants sometimes make a sport with them after this manner. They will command an Elephant to take up water, which he does, and stands with it in his Trunk, till they command him to squirt it out at some body, which he immediately will do, it may be a whole paleful together, and with such a force, that a man can hardly stand against it.

--From An historical relation of the island Ceylon--

Things can be both horrifying and humorous, but if you treat everything as a joke, shielding your mind from the existence of horrors, you may find yourself facing some terrifying possibilities.

Event television: 4,500,000,000 BC

Have you seen this show before? It's great! Happens every day around dawn.

Poetry: 1656

THE FARTS EPITAPH.

READER, I was borne and cryed
Crackt so, smelt so, and so dyed.
Like to Caesars was my death,
He in senat lost his breath;
And alike inter'd doth lye,
The famous Romulus and I.
And, at last, like Floria faire,
I left the common wealth mine aire.

--From The muses recreation--

I think the popularity of poetry had declined in direct proportion with the ability of poets to publish fart jokes.

Of course in the future, no one will understand our biting political humor; all they'll find find funny is our fart jokes and the like.

Epidemiology: 1773

This evening he disputed the truth of what is said, as to the people of St. Kilda catching cold whenever strangers come. 'How can there (said he) be a physical effect without a physical cause?' He added, laughing, 'the arrival of a ship full of strangers would kill them; for, if one stranger gives them one cold, two strangers must give them two colds; and so in proportion.' I wondered to hear him ridicule this, as he had praised M'Aulay for putting it in his book: saying, that it was manly in him to tell a fact, however strange, if he himself believed it'. He said, the evidence was not adequate to the improbability of the thing; that if a physician, rather disposed to be incredulous, should go to St. Kilda, and report the fact, then he would begin to look about him.

--From Boswell's Life of Johnson--

People who lived in an isolated community noticed they would catch colds when strangers came to visit. Johnson found the idea ridiculous, and later jokes that they must just not like the visitors they were getting.

It's easy to dismiss ideas when they go against a consensus. Fortunately, in science, people make decisions about truth based on falsifiable experiments and not consensus. That's why today we worry about germs instead of our humors.

Spin Doctor: 1776

When Columbus, upon his return from his first voyage, was introduced with a sort of triumphal honours to the sovereigns of Castile and Arragon, the principal productions of the countries which he had discovered were carried in solemn procession before him. The only valuable part of them consisted in some little fillets, bracelets, and other ornaments of gold, and in some bales of cotton. The rest were mere objects of vulgar wonder and curiosity in some reeds of an extraordinary size, some birds of a very beautiful plumage, and some stuffed skins of the huge alligator and manati ; all of which were preceded by six or seven of the wretched natives, whose singular colour and appearance added greatly to the novelty of the show.

In consequence of the representations of Columbus, the council of Castile determined to take possession of the countries of which the inhabitants were plainly incapable of defending themselves. The pious purpose of converting them to Christianity sanctified the injustice of the project. But the hope of finding treasures of gold there was the sole motive which prompted to undertake it; and to give this motive the greater weight, it was proposed by Columbus, that the half of all the gold and silver that should be found there, should belong to the crown. This proposal was approved of by the council.

--From An Inquiry into the nature and causes of the wealth of nations--

I love Adam Smith, he's not swooning in hero worship over Columbus like some people. Instead, he spends a couple of pages pointing out Columbus's failings with dry British humor. But who was the spin doctor, Columbus or Smith? Maybe they both were. Maybe everyone is who tries to interpret things.

Make me laugh and I wont complain.

Health reform: 1849

The College of Physicians having sent forth some gratuitous advice, which is well worth its cost, on the subject of Cholera, we hasten to put it into plain language for the benefit of the community.

Every one is to live extremely well, and no one is, on any account, to neglect warm clothing, with good coal fire, or any other arrangement that may be conducive to health and comfort.

All persons crowded together in small ill-ventilated houses are recommended to take at once more commodious apartments, and those individuals who are insufficiently clothed must give orders forthwith to their tailors for taking the necessary measures.

Families not hitherto in the habit of keeping up a good fire in the winter, through their inability to purchase the fuel, will without delay take the necessary steps for laying in a stock of coals from their respective coal merchants; and those who have had meat only once a week, will give orders for a daily supply in future, to their various butchers. It being highly expedient not to overtax the strength, those who feel exhausted by their labour will relinquish their work when they feel themselves too much debilitated to continue with comfort to themselves, and they will of course take care to make up in some way for the deficiency of their wages. These simple suggestions have only to be followed out with due care by the labouring classes of the community, in order to mitigate very materially the severity of the Cholera.

--From Punch, or The London Charivari--

That's almost as silly as requiring people who can't afford health insurance to either buy it or pay a fine.

Amusements: 1823

SPARROW. Mumbling a sparrow; a cruel sport, frequently practised at wakes and fairs: for a small premium, a booby having his hands tied behind him, has the wing of a cock- sparrow put into his mouth; with this hold, without any other assistance than the motion of his lips, he is to get the sparrow's head into his mouth; on attempting to do which, the bird defends itself surprisingly, frequently pecking the mumbler till his lips are covered with blood, and he is obliged to desist: to prevent the bird from getting away, he is fastened by a string to a button of the booby's coat.

WHIP THE COCK. A piece of sport practised at wakes, horseraces, and fairs, in Leicestershire : a cock being tied or fastened into a hat or basket, half a dozen carters blindfolded, and armed with their cart whips, are placed round it, who, after being turned thrice about, begin to whip the cock, which if any one strikes so as to make it cry out, it becomes his property ; the joke is, that, instead of whipping the cock, they flog each other heartily.

--From Grose's classical dictionary of the vulgar tongue--

A mixture of animal and human cruelty.

British Royalty, circa 1700

BARGAIN. To sell a bargain: a species of wit, much in vogue about the latter end of the reign of Queen Anne, and frequently alluded to by Dean Swift, who says the maids of honour often amused themselves with it. It consisted in the seller naming his or her hinder parts, in answer to the question, What? which the buyer was artfully led to ask. As a specimen, take the following instance: A lady would come into a room full of company, apparently in a fright, crying out, It is white, and follows me! On any of the company asking, What? she sold the bargain, by saying, My a-se.

-- From Grose's classical dictionary of the vulgar tongue--

The mail, 1836 edition

Our subscribers, during this season of the year, must have a little patience with us. Our work is always ready in time, but we cannot control the elements. The box containing December numbers, for our Eastern agents, was shipped early in December. Where the vessel got to with them, we are unable to say,—but they did not arrive in Boston until a few days before the January number. Large as the box is, it will in future be sent by rail-road line and steam-boat. Mail subscribers are also liable to disappointments. A few days since, a bundle was returned us from the Post Office, containing a lot of December numbers reduced to a jelly, and looking like the material in a paper-maker's vat, absolutely reduced to first principles.

--From The Lady's Book--

The Pope, 1860 edition

Alarming Accident to the Pope

His Holiness, in promenading yesterday on the Corso, met with a sad accident. His foot slipping in a puddle of blood, he fell and broke his head. The accident has been pronounced to be a fracture of the temporal bone.

--From Punch, or The London Charivari--

That was supposed to be a joke, from a publication similar to Mad Magazine, but much more serious and political. Almost every issue piled scorn upon His Holiness.



I suppose this is the price you may have to pay if you insist on mixing your politics and your religion.