Piracy: 1350

Sima Yi ordered one hundred skilled craftsmen to disassemble the devices before him and construct new machines according to the dimensions of the captured models.Within half a month they had built some two thousand that were identical to Kongming's and able to move as well.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

Reverse engineering is a Chinese tradition!

Political speeches: 1350

Says the Prime Minister:

Henceforth, those of you genuinely concerned for our kingdom's ultimate fate must vigorously attack my errors and hold me responsible for my failures.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

It's hard to imagine an ordinary person, let alone a politician, saying something like that today.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms: Today

It's neat to be reading a book that's over 600 years old and then see it make the headlines!

Lost Works: 1350

'A Handy Guide for Pacifying the Man.'

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

 If I know "the man" it involves lots of work at minimum wage.

Modern medicine: 1350

In cases of diseases of the internal organs, where applied compounds will not work, he feeds the patient a narcotic potion to induce a deep sleep; then he cuts open the stomach and irrigates the affected areas with medicinal fluids. The patient feels not the slightest pain, and after the irrigation Hua Tuo sews up the wound with treated sutures and spreads salve over it.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

Hundreds of years ago, no one could have imagined the miracles of modern medicine.

Action movies: 1350

Ling Tong dove into the fray as Sun Quan rode to the bridge. But it had been torn down at the southern end, leaving a ten foot gap....

...Sun Quan retreated more than thirty spans, then loosening the reins and swinging wide his whip, he urged the horse over the missing planks.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--



Every cliché has its source.

Riches: 1350

His family was poor, but he was a devoted student and performed menial chores in exchange for the loan of books.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

He worked his butt off, not to own books, but to be loaned books--he had to give them back after reading them! Contemplating his situation and looking at my book pile, I feel kind of dizzy:



And when I think of all the people in college, subsidized by taxes laid on the backs of the poor, who goof-off and have no idea what they'll do with their degrees, I just feel sick.

Spies: 1350

Cao Cao sent them here to spy. I want to give him a taste of his own medicine by giving them certain information to send back.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

Spies are only bad if you don't recognize them.

Talking heads: 1350

For the grand strategy of the dynasty, the security of our sacred altars, truly there is a master planner, one utterly different from the boasting rhetoricians whose empty reputations overawe people, who have no peer in armchair debate and standing discussions, of whom not even one in hundred has any idea how to confront a crisis or cope with its rapid development. What a farce to amuse the world!

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

It's interesting how people can be famous for just spouting opinions, without actually having done anything or having any accomplishments other than talking. Why do we listen to them? Why do we elect them to office?

Departmental meetings: 1350

...but Zhang Fei objected. "There's no such thing as a good banquet or a good conference," he asserted flatly.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

All those bureaucrats together in one room, how can they help but conspire over something? At best they'll just waste of money.

Absession: 1350

Xuande himself realized that he had said more than he ought and rose to excuse himself. Doing so, he noticed the extra weight around his middle. Suddenly he found tears welling in his eyes. When Xuande resumed his place, Liu Biao asked what was distressing him. "I used to spend all my time in the saddle," Xuande replied with a deep sigh. "Now it has been so long since I have been riding that I am growing thick around the waist...."

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

So many things to worry about, and your health sometimes suffers. I only wish Xuande had a chance to see this video:

Light reading: 1350

"In war," Guo Jia answered, "speed is precious. On a march of this length the supply train requires too much time. You'd be better off with a small force that can reach Wuhuan before they suspect anything."

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

It makes you wonder about a country when their popular literature is full of military strategy.

Falun Gong: 1350

..."Don't you really belong to the Yellow Scarves, Zhang Jue and his ilk?"...

..."The man is a sorcerer," Sun Ce replied. "He uses his arts to mislead the multitude and must be eliminated."...

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

The Yellow Scarves, like the Red Eyebrows, and the Boxers, were groups responsible for great upheaval and revolution in Chinese history, and they all had mystical ties. So it's no wonder the Chinese government moved to repress Falun Gong, a modern day society with mystical practices.

Compare China's reaction to America's, where groups like the Tea Party, modeled after a revolutionary group, go about their business with only rhetorical government interference.

Torture porn: 1350

Cao ordered him beaten, but his body had no skin left to flay....

...Cao called for a knife and cut off the other nine [fingers]....

...Ji Ping dashed his [own] head against the stair and died.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

Inventing stories about people being tortured shows an advancement of culture, because in the past when people wrote about horrific torture it was taken from the historical record, and was an account of events which had actually happened.

Genocide: 1350

"...If there is any way I can help, even if it means clan-wide extermination, I shall do it without regret."

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

This line is spoken by a "good person". Grateful poems are written about him when he dies!

Friendship: 1350

"Well," Fei said to him, "do you still think me impetuous?" "I harped on your failings so you'd learn some tricks," Xuande said, and Zhang Fei roared with delight.

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

You don't need self-help books when you have good friends.

"I'll be back": circa 1350

Finally, Lord Guan spoke: "If I fail, my head is yours."

Cao Cao had a draft of wine heated for Lord Guan before he mounted. "Pour it," said the warrior, "and set it aside for me. I'll be back shortly."

--From the Romance of the Three Kingdoms--

Where do Westerns and Action movies come up with their awesome scenes and dialog?

Maybe from "action books", which I never would have thought was a genre. And this book has cliffhangers, too:

What was the outcome of the fight?

Read on.

Every chapter ends in that fashion.