Monday, November 30, 2009

Health food: 1888

Home should never be considered entirely furnished in its culinary department unless equipped with an ice-cream freezer, as with it many attractive and nutritious desserts may be prepared with but little trouble and expense. It matters not how heartily one may have dined, a dish of good ice-cream is always acceptable.
Nutrious ice-cream, full of the healthy fat and calories everyone needs.
It is a very common occurrence to hear a physician speak of the injurious effects of ice-cream, and at the same time admit that they result from the coloring and the flavoring extracts used in them.
But watch out for the artificial chemicals "modern" people add to their food.

--From Good housekeeping--

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Perspective: 1863

But if we take the case of a physical catastrophe, over which man has no control at all, such, for instance, as an earthquake, it may be remarked, that one of the severest on record, namely, that which desolated the Neapolitan provinces in 1858, swept away only about 20,000 persons in all the different places which lay in its path, whereas the present war in America, even if it were brought to a speedy issue, will have cost the lives of half a million of the human race.
--From Climate: an inquiry into the causes of its differences...--

We could wipe out billions of people in the blink of an eye, we will be able to for the foreseeable future, and politicians worry about secondary or tertiary problems which may never materialize, or may even turn out to be blessings!

Saturday, November 28, 2009


The beach is a graveyard for things which thought shells would protect them.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Living in a golden age: 1888


These are the days of promise, by old-time seers sung
In the clear light of the morning, when earth and man were young.
This is the shining future which, ancient bards foretold,
Should crown the bright'ning ages with a final age of gold!

Ours are the years of fruitage; we are the heirs of Time.
Yes, the great world hangs a-rip'ning now in its golden prime;
Never will grand achievement shine as it shines to-day,
For the world will return to chaos, and men will return to clay.

This is the time for living; these are the pregnant days;—
What are you doing, brother, for the manhood of the race?
Give what is best within you; labor with labor crown;
Your hand is on the lever, and the world goes up or down!

Mighty the forces of evil; terrible sweep the stars;
Portents are darkly lowering; devils are breaking their bars.
Now is the time, if ever, to stand on the side of right.
To help roll the world out of shadow into the broadening light.

Surely, the right will triumph—grant it, О God, above!
The arc of thy plan is wisdom, as the arc of life is love;
Help us to make the human as God-like as we may,
Ere earth returns to chaos, and men return to clay!

--From Good housekeeping--

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Veggies=Yuck: 1888

I have sat at the Thanksgiving tables of clergymen, lawyers, doctors, generals, merchants, the best of our New England farmers and the far-famed hospitable Quakers. Never, except at a recent dinner in Boston, have I seen a soup as a part of a Thanksgiving dinner, and never except in some magazine bills of fare have I seen a course of fish, or canned vegetables, or a salad, unless celery served without dressing and eaten with the other dishes, may be called a salad.
--From Good housekeeping--

Veggies for Thanksgiving are just another fraud the mainstream media is trying to foist upon us. Don't be a victim. Veggies are filler!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Anthropomorphic Global Warming: 1863

It would appear, then, that man is really capable of exercising a certain control over the humidity of the climate, by thinning the forests, or by renewing them in the manner represented; nor can it be doubted, that the same effect will be brought about by drainage, which carries off the redundant waters into their appropriate channels, instead of allowing them to stagnate upon the surface.

And in thus altering the character of a country with respect to its humidity, he may hope to bring about a corresponding change also in its temperature, for the tendency of swamps and stagnant waters is to cool down by their evaporation the surface of the earth, as well as to intercept the rays of the sun by the mists and fogs they engender.

I'll buy that. It even sounds testable, go figure.

--From Climate: an inquiry into the causes of its differences...--

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Our decadent youth: 1904

The boy of the present generation has more practical knowledge of sexual instinct at the age of fifteen than, under proper training, he should be entitled to at the time of his marriage; and the boy of eleven or twelve boastfully announces to his companions the evidences of his approaching virility. Nourished by languishing glances and fanned by more intimate association on the journey to and from school, fed by stolen interviews and openly arranged festivities, stimulated by the prurient gossip of the newspaper and the flash novel, the gallant of twelve years is the libertine of fourteen.
--From Sexology--

Hopefully with the oft predicted death of newspapers and books, this problem can finally be solved.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Book adaptations: 1903

Can't the film industry come up with original ideas? Also, what's with all the special effects?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Inkblots: 10,000 B. C.

So much better than inkblots because you can say you see God and no one thinks you're strange.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Waterboarding: 1632

Then the Tormentor having charged the first passage about my body (making fast by a device each torture as they were multiplied) he went to an earthen Jarre standing full of water, a little beneath my head: from whence carrying a pot full of water; in the bottome whereof, there was an incised hole, which being stopd by his thumb, till it came to my mouth, hee did powre it in my bellie; the measure being a Spanish Sombre, which is an English Potle: The first and second services I gladly receaved, such was the scorching drouth of my tormenting payne, and likewise I had drunke none for three dayes before.

But afterward, at the third charge, perceiving these measures of water to be inflicted upon me as tortures, O strangling tortures! I closed my lips, gaine-standing that eager crudelity.

Whereat the Alcalde inraging, set my teeth asunder with a payre of iron cadges, detayning them there, at every severall turne, both mainely and manually; whereupon my hunger-clungd bellie waxing great, grew Drum-like imbolstered : for it being a suffocating payne, in regard of my head hanging downeward, and the water reingorging it selfe in my throat with a strugling force; it strangled and swallowed up my breath from youling and groaning.

--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

It's only not torture when Americans do it.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Traditional western medicine: 1632

And not far from this Garden, in a sandy Desart, is the place called Mommeis, which are innumerable Caves cut foorth of a Rocke, whereunto the Corpes of the most men in Cayro, are carried and interred. Which dead bodies remayne alwayes unputrified, neyther yeeld they a stinking smell: Whereof experiments are plentiful at this day, by the whole Bodies, Hands, or other parts, which by Merchants are now brought from thence, and doth make the Mummia which Apothecaries use: The colour being very blacke, and the flesh clung unto the bones.
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

So, pharmacists would take the mummified copes of humans and use them in medicine. The tiger penises they use in traditional Chinese medicine sound pretty tame in comparison.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Fiji water: 1632

The water of Jordan hath beene transported to Venice in barrels, for that purity it hath; which will reserve unspoiled, both moneths and yeares, and the longer it is kept, it is the more fresher; and to drinke it, is an excellent remedy for the fever quartan or quotidian, being neare in vertue to the Wine of Libanon.
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

The modern version isn't allowed to make those sort of health claims, but they're kind of assumed.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Drug addiction: 1632

But when I perceived, his extraordinary service and flattery, was onely to have a share of the Tobacco I carried with me, I freely bestowed a pound thereof upon him: Which he and his fellowes tooke as kindly, as though it had beene a pound of gold, for they are excessively adictted to smoake, as Dutch men are to the Pot...
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

I'm sure he doesn't mean the same thing by "pot" as we do, but the Dutch are still known for it.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Istanbul (Not Constantinople): 1632

Constantinople is the Metropolitan of Thracia, so called of Constantine the Emperour, who first enlarged the same : It was called of old Bizantium, but now by the Turkes Stambolda, which signifieth in their language, a large City : It was also called Ethuse, and by the Greekes Stymbolis.
Yup, that made a great song:

--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Pirates: 54 BC

For when he [Alexander the Great] inquired of a pirate by what right he dared to infest the sea with his little brigantine: “By the same right,” he replied, “which is your warrant for conquering the world.”
--From On the Commonwealth--

Speaking truth to power, then and now.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A trip to Candy Island: 1632

Leaving them with many counterfeit thankes, I travelled that day seaven and thirty miles, and at night attained to the unhappy Village of Pickehorno: where I could have neither meate, drinke, lodging, nor any refreshment to my wearied body. These desperate Candiots thronged about me, gazing (as though astonished) to see me both want company, and their Language, and by their cruell lookes, they seemed to be a barbarous and uncivill people: For all these High-landers of Candy, are tyrannicall, blood-thirsty, and deceitfull. The consideration of which and the appearance of my death, signed to me secretly by a pittifull woman, made me to shun their villany in stealing forth from them in the darke night, and privately sought for a secure place of repose in a umbragious Cave by the Sea side, where I lay till morning with a fearefull heart, a crased body, a thirstie stomacke, and a hungry belly.
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

Don't you hate it when people go on vacation, then come back and complain about all the small inconveniences they had to put up with, like they were on the worst trip ever?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Brand extensions: 1632

Infinit citations could I produce, of such like intolerable attributs, besides the dividing of her in a 1000 stiles, The Virgin viz. The Lady of the wines, Lady of the oyles, Lady of the cornes, Lady of the woods, Lady of the mountains, Lady of the meeds, Lady of the sheepe and goats, Lady of the springs, Lady of the fire, Lady of the shepheards; from earthquakes, thunder and fire-flashes, Lady of the Angels which is at Asisi in Ombria, Lady of miracles in divers places, Florence, &c. Lady of life in Bullogna newly found, Lady of all noble Ladies, and Nunnes, Lady of the galley-slaves, Lady of shipwracking seas, Lady of rivers and waters, Lady of young children, and orphanes, Lady of all consolation, Lady of pure Virgins, Lady of distressed widdows, Lady of the sicke, and women with child, &c. Besides the powerfull Lady of Mountserrata in Catalogna, the aforesayd miraculous Lady of Loretta, and the clementious Ile-ruling Lady of Trapundy in Sicilia, &c.
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

Lady of dark chocolate, Lady of diet dark chocolate, Lady of dark chocolate with orange, Lady of easy blog posts...

Monday, November 9, 2009

The Exorcist: 1632

Another time, comming backe from my second Travels in Affricke, it was my lucke to stumble in here againe, where I saw an old Capuschin Frier conjuring the Divell out of a possessed woman, who had stayed there, and two men keeping her above eighteene moneths, being twise a day brought before the Chappell. The Frier stood up before her, the two men holding both her armes; and sayd, laying his formost finger on her brow ; In nomine Patris, &c....
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

Just something you see in the street. Happens all the time. No big deal.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The decline of manhood: 1632

O miserable and effeminate age! when vertue by most men is despised, and neglected, and sensuall vice every where exalted : Nay; ruffian Pandors, by hopefull youth and prodigall gallants, are now clothed, Coatched, and richly rewarded; whilst best merits and highest deserts, of rarest spirits, are neither looked to, set by, nor regarded.
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

 Every man since 1590: total pussy.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Antonyms: 1632

If I have made use of my poore Talent, the profit redoundeth unto my Country; which being shaddowed under your auspicuous Favour, shall leave a greater stampe to the Worke, and a deeper impression, of future knowledge, to the curious Understanders.
--From The totall discourse of the rare adventures...--

Are you a curious understander, or are you... ? What's the opposite of a curious understander? An incurious knower? An incurious know-nothing?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


I've read about, but never seen, people who paint only clouds. I'd like to see a room full of canvases painted by old masters, of nothing but bits of sky with clouds in them. Or an entire museum; each room a different time or weather condition. How lovely that would be!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Walmart: 1900

The real, the vital count against the department store is that it viciously demoralizes values in the public mind. It is immoral to sell a book, or a pair of shoes, or a handkerchief, as a bargain, so low that if everything were sold on the same basis you would go into bankruptcy. Whatever reductions in prices come from lucky purchasing, from better system, from clever advertising, is legitimate and proper. But every article ought to bear its fair share of all fixed expenditures, and carry a- margin of profit as well.
--From American druggist and pharmaceutical record--

 Department stores are shells of their former greatness, but small stores are still around complaining about the next new retail trend that is going to put them out of business.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Ice habit: 1900

Following the installation of the fountain came hot weather, and on one day he sold one thousand glasses of various flavors; on other days, six or seven hundred glasses; and even during recent cooler weather there has been a profitable business....

Doctors called and denounced the use of soda water, fearing harmful effects from the dangerous ice-cold liquid, and then took it themselves, just as they do at home. The success of this fountain is another indication of the growth of the ice habit in England. Colmore Row is a great thoroughfare, but is not as likely a place for a soda water fountain as is crowded New Street. It seems that an American soda fountain syndicate has taken up the matter of the introduction of soda water fountains in England, and is determined to, and will, succeed.
--From American druggist and pharmaceutical record--

So, if you went to your drug dealer to purchase ice for your habit, you were literally going to your drug dealer to purchase ice for your habit.

And don't even get me started on the powerful syndicate pushing ice on the dwellers of urban areas.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Community organizer: 1920

Dorothy was, perhaps, even more ambitious than most girls her age, and she was determined not to let her mind "get into a rut," which, she had noticed, feminine minds in Crescentville were somewhat likely to do. So she had decided to join the Alpha Club, which was the woman's study club of the town, keep up her music, take French lessons, keep posted in current events, and map out a course of good solid reading with the help of Miss Brooks, the librarian.
Sounds like a plan.
But she reckoned without Florence Mclntyre and other distracting influences of a stay-at-home existence. It wasn't so easy to be purposeful as it seemed.
Oh no!
"...I have to remember that this is a library, not a recreation center. But, goodness knows, I'd be glad enough if there were such a thing in Crescentville, to keep the young people off the streets."

"A recreation center?" asked Dorothy. "I never heard of such a thing. Just what is it?"

"A place where people, young and old, meet to have a good time. There is usually a building with a gymnasium, a theater and lecture room, and other meetingrooms and play-rooms, a bowling alley, perhaps, and athletic grounds outside, and usually a place where people can bring their lunches and have picnics."
Yes, Dorothy escapes the influence of Florence Mclntyre and becomes a community organizer.
Dorothy, meanwhile, for the first time since she had left school, felt that she was doing something that amounted to something.
Isn't that nice? But there's more!
Without a dissenting voice Dorothy was chosen as the girls' playleader, at a small salary, to be paid out of the Recreation Fund that was being raised.
She uses her position to get a cushy job!
Dorothy had met the young man in question at a church supper, and thought he seemed a very nice boy. He had been two years at an agricultural college, where he had been captain of the football team, but after he had served in the war, financial circumstances had compelled his coming to Crescentville to seek a position, and the dry-goods shop was the first thing that offered. No, he didn't like it especially; he was looking around for some kind of an outdoor job, but he hadn't found anything yet. Dorothy mentioned him to the committee as a possibility, and they said they would inquire.
And one for a boy she fancies!
Then Dorothy took several trips to Milltown, the nearest large town, where there were several flourishing community activities, and received help in many ways from the leaders there.
Also she used her position to take lots of trips.
She had filled out considerably and even grown an inch or two, which fact was probably due to the gym work and outdoor sports she had taken up as a part of her leadership activities.
And get a free gym membership.

--From The hall with doors--