Consumerism: 1661

What sort of toiletries would a person in 1661 be interested in?

A range of hair dyes:

To make your Hair yellow.

To make your Hair red.

To dye Hair black.

pimple cream:

For a red face full of pimples.

tooth whitener:

A powder to keep the teeth white.

deodorant:

Against the ill smell of the arm pits.

skin lighteners:

That the skin may be exceeding white.

and self tanners:

A water to make the face black.

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

But I thought it was only advertising that made people want these things!

Full Brazilian: 1661

There are some interesting entries in this book:

That hairs may fall, and none grow again.

and:

A dipilitory whereby a hairy place is made bald.

which leave you wondering exactly what they are talking about, because they only mention hairy places in general. Did people back then want bald heads? However this entry, which seems at first to be about something else, makes what they are talking about perfectly clear:

That Children may never have Beards.

That Boys and Girls may never have hair grow on their secrets [vaginas] or beards, annoint the privities [privates]...

 --From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

Why were they interested in depilatating their genitalia? The asumptions I would make from a modern perspective might include:

1. From being exposed to nude sculptures/paintings depicting people with such attributes.

2. Because they were exposed to many sexual partners and/or found it sexually enticing.

3. Health concerns (lice).

Obviously, these recipes may have been intended for professionals, not the general population, or they may have been oddities meant to provide insight into medicine. But considering how the author talked about breast and vaginal restoration in this book, I'm going with my second assumption.

Breast augmentation: 1661

That Womens Breasts may be made like to Virgins Breasts.

...it is proved by experience, that a scale Fish laid to Womens breasts, will so bind them together, that they will look like Virgins breasts. The same may be done to the Secrets [We know what that word means!]. Let those who are given to pleasure and ornament prick up their ears.

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

 Over the past few day's reading I've come to the conclusion that many of the medical technologies we have qualms about today--breast (and vaginal) cosmetic surgery, genetic engineering of offspring, chemical castration--would have been used in the past. They even tried using them, they just didn't have the means to make them work.

Designer babies: 1661

How well coloured and fair Children may be begotten.

Great is the affection of the mind, or force of imagination, but greatest of all when it exceeds: what is it you may not do almost by it? Women when they are with Child, when they desire most eagerly, think of it vehemently, they change the spirits within, and in them are painted forms of the things they thought of; those move the blood, whereupon in the softest matter of the Child they imprint the form...

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

Changing the child in the womb so they appeal to the superficial whims of parents: an issue that society never dealt with before the advent genetic engineering!

Jägerbomb: 1661

That the Woman shall abhore Copulation and the man shall desire it.

If a red Bull's pisle be poured and a crown weight be given the woman to drink in wine or broth, she will abhore to lye with a man. But the same powder mingled with fit Ingredients will provoke men that are dull and impotent to Vencrous Acts.

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

1. Look at the first sentence and consider the marriage problem this recipe was meant to help.

2. I can definitely see how sneaking bull's piss into a woman's drink, and then maybe telling her about it, would make her not want to sleep with a man; especially if "the man" was the one who gave her the drink.

3. Women back then probably wouldn't want to leave their drinks unattended, but for entirely different reasons than those of today.

4. O. Henry could do wonders with this premise, à la The Gift of the Magi.

Snow White: 1661

A sleeping Apple.

An Apple to make one sleep, is made of all these; Opium, Mandrake, juyce of Hemlock, Henbanefeed, Wine lees, to which must be added Musk, that by the scent it may provoke him that smells unto it. Make a Ball as big as a man may grasp in his hand, by often smelling to this it will cause him to shut his eyes and fall asleep: but it is but in vain to try to do this at certain hours; for men's temperaments vary: but he that shall go about it, may try it by such means, and all in vain. To hinder the danger of these things there is help enough: if you anoint their Temples, Nose, and Testicles with distilled Vinegar, or other things dissolved in Vinegar, that may drive away sleep and awaken the parties.

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

This is what Disney got wrong:

1. The apple isn't dunked in poison; it's made of poison.

2. The apple isn't supposed to be bitten, but smelled.

3. The antidote isn't "Love's First Kiss", but vinegar sprinkled on the crotch.

Herbal remedies: 1661

To prevent sleep.

There is a Berry brought out of Egypt cald Coffee, which being dried and beaten to pouder, and boyled in fair water, is much used among the Turks to make them lively and prevent sleep, which of late is become of great use in England.

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

Herbal remedies, bah! They never work.

A visit to the tattoo parlor: 1661

How Letters that cannot be defaced may be written upon Mens bodies.

If you please at any time to write new Figures upon a Man, you may easily do it in a hot house, dividing the uttermost skin with a Razor, or a Lancet, first marking the Letter with Inke upon the skin; then fill up the cuts with red Lead, or blew, or with some Earth of the same colour which you would have it...

--From Eighteen books of the secrets of art and nature--

This wasn't for the benefit of the person getting the tattoo, but for the person making the tattoo. They would write notes on a person's skin and then have them deliver it (in person obviously).

People can be so many things, including a sheet of paper. And I suppose I prefer people without tattoos because I like a blank canvas, or at least the illusion of one.